By J. D. Vann

I know there are all these horror stories floating around out there about a tanked-out Merry taking down the Cave Troll and whistling back to Hobbiton to tell the tale. All the while the Cave Troll's real life Keyward sits across from said Hobbit and sulks, mouth moving, incoherently babbling when, by all accounts, the Big Ugly should be sitting down and scraping somebody, anybody, off his foot with a stick. Urban Legend or Tourney Truth?

A guy at the card shop this weekend: "Yeah, I took on the Troll with Merry and a Hobbit sword, There and Back Again, Stone Trolls and Boromir exerted twice, and blah, blah, blah."

"Oh, yeah? How'd that work out for you?"

"Man, the Cave Troll sucks. He's a waste. I've got an all Hobbit deck and it kicks. Hobbits rule."

And off he goes, pontificating on the uselessness of Big Creatures and the finer points of card logic and combos.

Yeah, such a waste that you bottomed at your hand, exhausted a key main, and discarded the Frodo Don't Die Now card.

O.K, yeah, I admit, it can happen. Is it a Blue Moon type occurrence or a foregone conclusion? First of all there are no foregone conclusions. Period. If that were the case, you wouldn't even play the game. You'd just compare decks before hand. Gee, you have four Hates and four Enduring Evils? O.K. let's not play, you win. Sure, there are combos out there that give me the willies and make me wonder if I shouldn't just go back to looking at the pictures. But there's nothing out there that makes winning a done deal every single time. Cards you need to look out for? You bet. You could write ten pages on the truly nasty things that happen when all the right cards are down and the juice is flowing and the machine is clicking. But it terms of Big Creatures there are several key things to which you should pay attention. What's the Fellowship look like you're playing against? Most important? Where do you play your Big Uglies? There are two types of losing. Losing to cards and losing because you have no strategy or forethought.

Another guy: "Sniff, I had the Troll and his Keyward out at Lothlorien and this guy played, sniff, A Ranger's Versatility with Aragorn's Bow and Legolas Greenleaf, and, sniff, no more Cave Troll (or Keyward)."

Cry me a handful, buddy. Really, the Cave Troll in Lorien. You walked right into that one.

And then: "Man, the cave Troll blows. A Ranger's Versatility is too powerful. It's broken. Decipher sucks."

I bought a couple of packs, nodding, nodding, sure, sure, I know, I know, and left. He was still talking when I hit the door.

Tough turn of events? Sure. Broken? Not by a long shot.

What am I getting at? Where did the Cave Troll make his appearance? Yes, cards ultimately sealed the deal on both accounts but the Scourge of the Black Pit running amok in the Golden Wood? Come on. Hobbits can generally duck most fights before Site 5 but from 6 and on, no more running. Rangers rule in the Wilds.

With the popularity of the whole A Ranger's Versatility, Aragorn's Bow, Greenleaf thing, expect it. Count on it. Write it in big, red letters and hang it over your bed. If you see Rangers on the table, guess what, more than likely that card is coming, whether it's already in his hand, or waiting quietly in the deck, with the guy licking his fingers every time he draws. But you know what? That's what Moria is for, as in sites 4 and 5. Last time I checked sites 4 or 5 weren't Rivers or Forests. You know that nasty, high twilight place through which the Fellowship must pass before they get to embarrass you at plentiful Rivers and Forests on the other, sunny side? These places have high twilight for a reason. Get it done here, people, down in the dark. The Underdeeps, baby, the Underdeeps. Is this a missive on the indestructibility of Moria Swarms and all that garbage? Of course not. Any good card, any good deck, can be beat at any given time. Everything has a counter. It's about playing the right card at the right time. You can count the number of people on both hands that draw the Troll or the Witch King or Lurtz, or any other hideously evil, powerful card. They get that wide-eyed, glazed, slack-in-the mouth look. Or better yet they just out-and-out laugh, chitter gleefully, basically announcing, Hey, you of the Free Peoples, guess what's coming? Which for the Free Peeps can be reduced to, I better start discarding and drawing like mad to get that card, the one card, that's going to do me right. Don't broadcast.

Play it at the right time. Let me repeat that. Play it at the right time. Location, location, location. The Troll is cheaper at Underground sites for a reason for crying out loud! It's where he lives! If you're going to build a deck around the Big Guy (Cave Troll for arguments sake) do it right. You need multiples first and foremost. Three, maybe. Two, definitely. You need his gear (his Keyward and Hammer). And you need ways to insure you have a better than average chance of drawing him (like I said multiples for one thing, an Elrond-like card secondly). A fast deck helps. Stuck holding four Swordarms of the White Tower? Maybe you should start Boromir and go sniffing for a fight. Holding three Intimidates and umpteen million Mysterious Wizards? Maybe you have a few too many in your deck. When I play my Troll deck, my Fellowship side is there to get cards out of my hand. I want Shadow in my hand. And, sorry, but Swarms, Host of Thousands, and They are Coming help a Troll out. Immensely. My Fellowship has Gandalf, which means Elrond, which means throughput, card advantage, whatever you want to call it. Of course you might have three copies and not draw a single one until site 7 but you've tooled your deck, thought about the cards, about where to play them. Now comes the random element that makes the game fun and infinitely playable: chance. By playing the location game, by playing the thinking game, you've put yourself in a position to win. More times than not, that will be enough. Smart players win. As in life, dumb luck can only account for so much.

You want to build up to your game. Skirmish, skirmish, skirmish, get those Goblins out of your hand, then lower the boom at Sites 4 and 5 (your Dimrill Dale for 6 if you're letting him set the pace). That dark little place through the middle of the Path should be your stomping ground. Not that sites 8 and 9 with their insane twilight and special text don't make me mentally rub my hands together if I'm holding a handful of baddies but with the way decks are today, I'm always looking Archery and Versatility and figuring who's going to get plugged first. So you play your Troll at The Bridge of Khazad-Dum or the Stairway of Moria and the aforementioned Merry, Hobbit Avenger, makes an appearance, the God of Hobbits and Hairy Feet smiling down gleefully from the Empyrium. Well, thems the breaks. But look at it this way. There and Back Again? Gone. Boromir, Son of Denethor? Maybe one wound away from extinction. More than likely, if you're facing a Hobbit deck, the Big Ugly is going to get stealthed or Hobbit intuitioned. He's fierce and if they do it twice? Hey, I can live with that. Aggravating? Sure. Infuriating? You bet? Unfair? No, that's the game. That's what those cards are meant for. To give those few that chose to play a complete Company of Wee folk a chance outside of Buckleberry Ferry. If he all he has are Hobbits and you know it for a fact, maybe wait till Dimrill Dale and Site 6 to turn him into paste. If he's got Rangers I've done my part, circumvented Versatility and all that jazz by using the goods before he comes out the other side. It depends on what he has to throw at me, depends on what I'm seeing on the table. Plus you've made your opponent use cards that might save the Ringbearer's butt later. Direct abilities and damage? Always a pain but, like the case of Boromir Hobbit Protector and Legolas Wounding Machine, feel free to exert your mains down to near death. That's a wound in my book. And honestly? The Cave Troll, or any Big Creature, more than likely, is not going to win the game for you. They are there to help you along to a win, put you in the much sought, highly coveted, Position to win. There might be worse things in the Long Dark than Orcs but lets not forget the Patrol Troop. As in, always have back ups. Him, plus Swarms, equals a consolation prize. And he is so very irritating if you can't get rid of him. Have fun with all those exertions now. Athelas? Intimidate? Servant of the Secret fire? Fine, have multiples plus Host of Thousands, or Morgul Skulkers, or Breeding Pits, or whatever. I still have a little dark left.