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Author: Steven "Sir Yoda" Lewis
Title: all-your-base-are-belong-to-us-dpc-1
Date Published: 2001-03-02
NOTE: Skip the long pre-tourney jizz if youre not interested and go to the GAME info.
Its time for the Normal DPC and Ive already had my decks selected for about two months. I will be playing a techish BHBM with TIEs and inserts for DS, and an undefeated WYS with Raiders and Harvests with LS. Come to find out, Kevin Shannon is flying into Nashville and is going to ride with us up to Normal, so that gives us five in the car (myself, Clint Hays, Jim Sells, Jon Chu, and Kevin).
On the way up there, Clint brings up this stupid cartoon on the web (http://rmitz.org/AYB3.swf ) and keeps saying "All your base are belong to us!" and "Somebody set us up the bomb!" to which Chu invariably busts out laughing. Eventually everyone in the car is cracking up (besides Jim because he is an old man) and that becomes the motto of the trip. Also, Clint decides to bring his yo-yo along which is the hilarious moment of the trip. You should see him with this 50-cent yo-yo flinging it around and trying to make it work. He had it for six months to practice and he still sucks. Every time he does it the thing just stops at the bottom and spins around and doesnt go anywhere. And then Clint looks all disappointed and confused and has to wind it up again. Its the funniest thing Ive ever seen. Then we play the dice game for about four hours and I keep getting wrecked so I dont want to talk about it.
Once were in Normal, we realize some homosexuals decided to run a Basketball tournament or something and now there are no hotel rooms left in town. So since Jim always does all the bargaining with the hotel people anyway (after all, hes an old man), he drops the rest of us off at Dennys for some Brownie tech. And speaking of the Brownie, Kevin pusses out and decides not to get one, and so its up to Clint, Chu, and me to win the DPC now! So we force down every grueling bite (and by the way, the Brownie does NOT taste very good contrary to popular opinion! It is NOT an enjoyable task! It is a chore, plain and simple). Jim shows up two hours later and takes us to the hotel.
Once were in the room and weve all teched out our decks to the max, some idiot chicks in the room next door decide to start calling everybody in the hotel "looking for guys" and ends up talking to Clint and Kevin for almost an hour. But Clint eventually gets sick of them and starts shouting "All your base are belong to us!" and "Somebody set up us the bomb!" into the phone (to which Chu invariably busts a gut laughing) until they hang up. How annoying.
Next day were at the DPC filling out decklists (ever so carefully I might add), and I get a chance to size up the competition. Aside from the hundreds of unrecognizables in the crowd, I notice the whole ghetto squad and the Quebecers in the group and realize were about to have quite a good tourney.
GAME 1: My WYS vs. Scott Andersons HDADTJ beats.
We both lose to Visage a few turns while he searches for a Vader and I start deploying guys to the system. Eventually I cancel Visage and flip with some Raiders and set up Harvests and game over. Scott drains in the Cantina some and tries to battle Owen/Beru with Mara and Blizzard 2 (to which a fleet of Patrol Crafts react) and loses all his guys. Also at one point Scott tries to Counter Assault one of my drains and ends up drawing even with me (despite his mega-high destinies). Honestly, there wasnt much Scott couldve done in this game considering he never challenged me at the system. FW by 22 or so.
FW 2(+22)
GAME 2: My BHBM vs. Matthew Hammes TIGIH with psycho B-wings.
Matthew has one of the most creative (unexpected) decks Ive ever seen. Basically he plays with tons of super-high destiny cards and EPPs and B-wings. I pick up Luke with Emp, join them with Vader, and move to the Throne Room while I look for some TIEs and systems. I duel early on a couple times and lose (forgetting to stack cards on ICFTC). Eventually I deploy Endor with a Dreadnaught and two Interceptors there (All Power in my hand). This is where things get interesting. Matt deploys ONE B-WING from his hand and a couple random weapons on it. He then attacks my fleet and I choose NOT to play All Power (because Im thinking that this kid is some kind of psycho scrub). He shoots my Dreadnaught and plays Power Pivot to make it lost. He then plays an interrupt to add 7 to his total power somehow, and plays another interrupt to add a battle destiny somehow. His total power ends up being like 16 against my 6 and I lose both TIEs and some Force; and whats worse is, the PSYCHO B-WING SURVIVED! Unbelievable. Anyway, he ends up stacking a few more cards on ICFTC throughout the game and ends up one card shy of crossing Vader (whew!) and I win with drains and retrieval by like 25.
FW 4(+47)
GAME 3: My BHBM vs. David Lanktons WYS mains deck.
Emperor goes to Tatooine first turn, followed by Vader after that (who picks up Jedi Luke). Then as I force drain, I noticed David losing Lukes, sabers, and Luke support interrupts from his hand (obviously he has a Luke deck) so I feel pretty good about holding the site (and I move into the Cantina for more drain). His third turn he deploys Dash on the Outrider to Kessel (oops!). I respond by deploying five Interceptors, a Lateral Damage, and attack with an All Power. Result? My 27 power to his 4 or so, which means he loses about 15 battle damage. The rest of the game kinda sucked for him since I just drained everywhere and he never flipped his objective. FW by 27 or so.
FW 6(+74)
GAME 4: My WYS vs. Matt Bertas HDADTJ mains deck.
This turns out to be one of the best games Ive ever played. I cancel Visage early but spend three turns deploying stuff to the system and not getting to draw any cards. In the meantime, Matt sets up guys all over my Docking Bay and the Cantina and is draining like a mofo (specifically, Emperor, Janus, Sim, Vader, Mara, 4LOM, and Tarkin). I have about 4 cards in my hand and Im taking a drain of 4. So I draw and lose Force, draw and lose Force, until finally I have the Farm out and I Harvest back a few (Matt doesnt grab it). I then get out two Patrol Crafts with Raiders on them and Chewie Protector escorting them. Matt dumps down some guys + Dengar (Chewie cancels his text) and ends up killing Chewie and Dengar survives (ouch!). So now I just play cat-and-mouse with my Raiders while I peck him for measly drains and retrieve with Celebration and an occasional Harvest (which he eventually grabbed). At the end, I end up spreading thin to his CC:DB and DS:DB and Carida to beef my drains, and since all his characters are already down, he cant stop them. SO I win barely by 7 but had a tough game.
FW 8(+81)
At this point in the tourney, Clint, Chu, and myself are undefeated (and placed #1, #2, and #3) along with two others. Jim has already lost his first three games and is pretty bummed.
GAME 5: My WYS vs. Clint Hays BHBM inserts and TIEs.
Well, since Clint is playing my exact DS deck, I realize before the game begins that he has the advantage. I get out some pilotted ships to Wakeelmui (to make his TIEs more expensive) and take some early insert damage. I eventually get set up on all four sites on Tatooine (SP:DB, T:DB, Farm, Cantina) and am draining for 6 and Clint has deployed a meager force to Tatooine and is draining for 3 (with a POTF). Despite his retrieval, I am winning the drain race and I still havent seen Vader or Mirax. Eventually DLOTS shows up in the Cantina and clears it and starts draining (with a newly deployed Battle Order to hamper my drains). I forget to deploy Luke in my turn (scrub!) and lose 3 and take the drain again. I eventually deploy Luke to the Farm (why didnt I give him to Vader? Scrub!) and have two options: I can move Dash and Captain Han to Tatooine to satisfy BO or I can use my Force to deploy three guys and attack Vader. Since it is DLOTS Im dealing with, he would probably choke one guy away, then Dark Strike another away and I wouldnt even get destiny, so I move just Captain Han to Tatooine (I have to leave Dash behind so Clint cant pile on the TIEs too easily). He then Damages Han and puts out a couple TIEs and cleans off Tatooine (which means I still cant drain). So I move Dash over in despiration and since he gets his TIEs for regular cost now, he deploys a bunch more and wrecks me again, this time for Force damgage (for which I forget to play my Houjix from the Lost Pile
scrub!). So my game is over. I shouldve killed off Vader and tried to outdrain, but I suck. I lose by 12.
FL 8 (+69)
GAME 6: My BHBM vs. TJ Holmans Hoth:WR jizz deck.
If you havent seen this deck, it starts the Hoth: War Room and that useless effect that fishes out R2/3PO. So he deploys those guys and starts playing HDWGITM to get out all his 2/0 sites and then plays mains and Harvests. What a crappy deck! So I start getting my stuff out (Emperor to DS2, a couple TIEs to a system) and TJ is doing his thing. And by the way, at one point in the game, TJ deploys Aim High and I forget about it. So I deploy a TIE for two and retrieve a Force and TJ is all, "Youre retrieval is canceled!" And Im like "Oh yeah, sorry about that," and I rewind to pay the Force for Aim High. But then TJ is all "No, its canceled. You cant go back and pay." What a butthole. Eventually I am draining at two systems and TJ is Harvesting everything back that I make him lose. So I have to do something and I deploy Vader to the Farm to kill Owen/Beru. But Bacta Tank thwarts my plans and Vader ends up getting himself killed about 6 times during the game. Eventually I cant drain because of Battle Order and TJ is retrieving every turn, and since I have no grabber in the deck, theres nothing I can do. I lose by 22 or so.
FL 8(+47)
So I go from top 4 to like 16th and I have to win my next two games to have a chance.
GAME 7: My WYS vs. Alex Klammrodts (sp?) SYCFA with piloted TIEs deck
I fear Monkey TIEs at first (which can be a beating vs. WYS) but thankfully Alex deploys Combat Readiness and I scratch my head. He gets the Emperor in my Cantina fairly early while I get a couple ships to the system. Eventually I have Han, Dash, and Mirax at Tatooine chillin with a couple random Raiders on the ground to stay flipped. So Alex busts out random Interceptor with SFS Cannon and a piloted Black 2 or something and attacks. So I Hyperescape away to my DB for free and fly back up the next turn with some backup. Alex doesnt attack (?) so I attack on my turn instead. He reacts with Vader flying Black 4 (huh?) and Tallon Rolls the Falcon away (doh!). Then our destinies bounce eachother and I run away to Kashyyyk (which Alex deployed for Force activation). Now his TIEs are stuck at Tatooine (with no hyperdrive) and Im draining like a champ at three Tatooine sites and Kashyyyk. So by the time Alex gets his Dreadnaught and tries to come fight Dash and Mirax, its too late and hes lost too much Force. I win by 12 or so.
FW 10(+59)
GAME 8: My BHBM vs. Steve Kupermans Obis Hut / Jabbas Palace start (?)
This game was silly. I got all three of my systems covered with one TIE each for some drains and got Luke to the chamber and started draining and dueling. IN the meantime, Steve has deployed a Bomarr Monk to Obis Hut and paid 3 to drain me for two, to which I merely canceled every turn with Dreaded Starfleet. He eventually spends his whole turn deploying Home 1 with EPP Han flying it (which gets barriered). Then I pile TIEs on top of him, Lateral Damage the H1, and game over. I win by 32.
FW 12(+91)
This last win edged me in over Clints differential for 4th place, meaning I would then go to the finals! Unfortunately for me, however, at the DPC events, 4th place plays 1st place and 1st chooses the side they want to play. And since TJ is first, he picks (guess what) LIGHT SIDE (since he already beat me with it and all). So going into the game I know I have only one chance to win: get the insert off before he can get out Insights.
FINAL ROUND: My BHBM vs. TJs jizz deck
My opening hand is the worst ever. I get all three Dreadnaughts, two Lord Vaders, and four TIEs! Yuck! But I dont want to mulligan (allowed in DPC final matches) and risk worse, so I play with what Ive got. I have to draw the first couple turns (which is OK cause TJs deck takes him a few turns to set up anyway), and the first three cards I draw are all three of my All Power To Weapons! Unbelievable! I eventually end up getting an insert for 9 damage in his deck before he has YISYW in his hand, but in order to do it, I end up with about 17 cards left in my hand. To my dismay however, TJ deploys Oonee Ta to get his starting interrupt (Signal) into his hand. He then activates and plays Signal and gets YISYW and deploys it. Well, now Im in trouble. But as if things werent bad enough, he then plays a lost Grimtaash! YEEEOOOWWCH! I lose 12 cards to the Grimtaash and the game is over. I realize that a DPC guy is sitting there writing down our game for the records so I decide to goof with him and start doing all this retarded stuff. I deploy cards for no reason. I try to insert into TJs deck only to get it canceled by YISYW. I deploy TIEs without retrieving for them. I even try to teleport the Emperor to Yavin for no reason. But in any event, I lose by an ungodly amount and I settle for a meager 4th place finish.
Clint and Chu end up 5th and 6th and we all head back to the hotel for some sleep. The drive home was pretty cool (since I drove almost the whole trip). Jim had some goofy looking headband over his eyes to help him sleep and looked like he was about to be executed (after all, he is an old man). Clint and Kevin kept trying to convince me that they buy Maxim magazine for the articles (whatever!). And I got myself totally wrecked in the dice game as usual.
PROPS:
TJ for winning with the worst deck ever.
Girard (et al.) for the event.
Chu for playing ROPS despite Oonee Ta!
Shannon for flying to Nashville to ride up with us (what a champ!).
Jim for being an old man.
Clint and the yo-yo.
Me for not getting 2nd place.
The Brownie.
The psycho B-wing.
My car for the custom tags.
The Cats.
SLOPS:
TJ for beating me with the worst deck ever.
TJ for being a @#$%.
Jim and Kevin for wimping out on the Brownie.
Brian Hunter for no reason.
Yannick for getting his but kicked.
Girard for turning into a @#$% while hes running tourneys.
The stupid 13 year old chicks who decided to keep us awake all night.
Thanks for reading,
Steven 4th is better than 2nd Lewis
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