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Author: Justin "H2O" Desai
Title: nipple-tr-read-this-one
Date Published: 2001-07-19
Sorry about the other one folks, spelling was just too bad so I decided to post it again. Still alot of bad grammar and stuff in this one but this one is at least readable.
All right. Where to begin? It all started about a month
ago, I saw the posting for a CT tourney so for the past
two to three weeks I had been bugging my buddy
and candidate for coolest man alive, mike gemme to
drive down there. Road trips are fun so he is like ok i
am in and since he was in so was steebo...steebo
and deck, deck and steebo. Kinda like batman and
robin, no more like Spiderman and harry
osborne(more on this later).
So Friday the 13th rolls around and I take the train to
hayes’ house and we meet up with pauly m and do
some playtesting. I playtest a solid wys and decide
to play it rather than my crusty dagobah. I play
huntdown racing for dark cuz i am a retard...friday is
kinda boring but whatever it was also sorta cool.
Well we drive to gemme’s house and just as we get
there mike’s sister and her hot friend
mckensie(mike’s sis is also hot for those of you who
have been living in a cave) walk out. Anyway they are leaving
and because of hayes’ horrible parking they come
over and talk to us for 2 seconds and this is
great...mckensie is like "good luck tomorrow" and i
just wink...ds testing--sometimes you don’t need to
say anything.
Well I get inside his house and take a dump in his
bathroom which is connected to his sis’s room with
no lock so I am paranoid even though she isn’t even
home but whatever. I play mike a few times and he
eats all my guys with his sick rancourt deck that he
built because he saw this little kid eat like qui gonn
jedi luke and obi at a local the week before...I am
like play this deck tomorrow because it is hot. Very
good against anything that goes to tatooine and
good against space too because of court game
text...weakness could be qmc though.
Well mrs. gemme walks in and i am stunned by her
beauty, she is blond and hot...not unlike mrs. baroni
and i am shocked that i haven’t heard of her beauty
and great breasts...what the hell steebo!
So the plan at this point was to drive to andy klema’s
house that night and crash with him in ct so we
wouldn’t have to drive to ct in the morning. So we
leave around 11 and have a cool time in the
car...hayes constantly pressures gemme to go
faster but gemme is chill and just takes it easy. we
go in the carpool lane, we drive through the ghetto at
70 mph. We try to mack girls but it is too late and
we can’t get out of the carpool lane anyway. We get
to klema’s house and end of story.
we play more games and i forget exactly but i win
about 2/3 of my games. me and gemme decide to
go to bed around 3 and we get put in his den which
might double as his meat locker but whatever....I go
get blankets for me and gemme and when i get back
Gemme is like, "did you get it?" as he waits on his
bed. I just burst out laughing because it is a like a
condom commercial and i honestly laugh for like
45 minutes. We try to sleep but it is way to cold so
around 7 Gemme and me get up but are still in bed
and Gemme is like, ’"wanna play a game" I am like
ok he is "like lets go" He takes off blanket and has
decks in hand It was hilarious...you kinda had to be
there. but it was damn good.
After that we just chill to it’s time to go, we see this
teched out picture of Andy when he is three years old
but yet still has his beard so it is all good. We leave
kinda late and we hit traffic but we make it ontime
and I say we are all going to play ourselves and this
turns out to be prophetic. Bah i am getting
bored...--the games
I am running solid wys w/o dont do that again
because I am dumb. And huntdown jizz for dark.
game 1--my dark, gemme’s wys solids.
Well it cool that we finally get to play each other
but sucks one
of us will have to lose the first game...going into this I
feel kinda uneasy and think he will beat me because
he runs 3 a step backs and can play them from lost
pile. So I think about starting someting else and
not watto’s box but I say phuck it and lets go for the
gold(mistake #1). We it starts out relatively normal, I
invade the cantina and he takes space...he draws
very good for his race and I draw good but then draw
a 1 which sucks. The race is mad close and we are
trading drains, but here is the situation: If I win the
race I win the game. If he wins the race, the game
will be darn close. Well anyway he wins the race
despite some pretty teched out moves by me. I flip
him back though by getting maul in space, he needs
to find melas asap...he does after about 3 turns of
doing nothing but drawing. That is pretty much game
because he has space and every time a try to duel luke he cancels it.
Very good game and i made close to no mistakes,
but huntdown podracing doesn’t fare to well when it
loses the race. Full loss by 14
Highs: great game...mike is the man.
Lows: nada.
Other: best feeling loss I have ever had.
so Hayes beats mr. @#$% himself shaun macarthy
by a bunch. Klema wins, steebo wins...bunch of
scrubs win(conn has a lot of really poor players, i
mean just there scrubs vs. our scrubs, our scrubs
will win).
game 2 i want revenge and get matched up against
some kid’s sycfa flip.
The kid knows the game well and blows alderan, but
i have the following out, mad ships at tatooine, i’ll
take the leader, han at the cantina, luke at the
middle docking bay with saber, and melas at the
other docking bay and run luke run in hand...damn that is good. drain 8 a
turn...game over in like 10 minutes.
Full win by 36.
Highs: winning
lows: does this prove anything? no.
other: I on the edge’d my luke to kill him so I could
retrieve more...
hayes won again, beating andy, gemme beat a kid.
steebo beat somebody who i guess was supposed
to be pretty good.
So 3rd game i get to play Brian Holingsworth (sp?) klema
tells me he’s good.
Well he is playing hayes’ pile with docking bays...I just
drop my guys to the race arena, so when i cause the
22 force swing, i all of a sudden have the only battle
ground on the table with vader, palp, maul and iggy...
he tries to fight me a few times with twass khaa..wtf?
I just dominate, he cant retrieve because of chybc...i
only activate 3 a turn but yet i dominate...Oh well.
Win by something like 36 or 38?
Highs: domination.
Lows: bah
Other: His deck (ls) had beaten a kid by 42
prior...hehe funny.
So gemme lost, steebo lost, klema won, brentson
won, hayes won.
In between games we go to mickey dees and i get a
big mac and it has a monoploy sticker on it...one of
the green ones. I figure i will put it on my nipple. I do
it and tell gemme he is like, yeah, tat is
funny...not! thinking how it is lame that i didn’t
actually do it. whatever. We get back and i get
paired up against steve valee’s hoth deck steebo
style.
Right off the bat i think i am @#$%ed because i don’t
play don’t do that again and without it it is a bad
matchup for me...well the game starts out alright
despite his mad undercover spies, i manage to get
out some drains and he drops down like 3 star
destroyers at tatooine and lateral damage, i barrier
but i am still @#$%ed at the system...about this
time, hayes ask me to take the sticker off my nipple
because he needs it. I do it while i am deploying jedi
luke and hand it to him....next thing i know,
everybody in the store, except my opponent, is
laughing like mad men...ok end of story.
Well i battle his walkers with jedi luke and @#$%
and am close to killing him with drains on hoth but
then i make the mistake of a lifetime and leave my
guys at the 5th marker, both han and luke, (my two
edge guys). So he ice storms and i say control from
lost pile to cancel it, he says ok but it still makes
’em missing, i say no, we call over
somebody(mularky?) and sides with him...i look for
hayes or brentson to side with me but they left the
store or something..GAY. whatever, i still coulda won
but with his drains at tatoooine and 3rd marker he
makes short work of me...full loss by 12.
Highs: nada
Lows: plenty...i would have won by 20-25 if i don’t get
assed by ice storm. I made other mistakes too.
Other...32 rating points...no!
gemme lost again to somebody, hayes beat klema
again. brentson won, steebo lost.
I play steebo next...basically he is playing the hoth
deck, some shady @#$% was going on with him but
i wont go into that ’cuz i dont want to diss on my buy
steebo, plus it didn’t effect the outcome of the
game...He drops 2 ships early and lat damage on
theron nett...i lose him and like 8 force. I try to pull
the win outta my @#$% by playing celebration and
@#$% but he is too strong in space and all my
pilots are on the wrong ships(wtf?...dash on the
falcon, melas on wedge’s ship and wedge on the
skate). It was a cool game with alot of interaction but
basically every battle i either had to lose a guy or
2-3 force and i couldn’t handle it...late game garrison
wins him the game. Full loss by 18.
Highs: Playing steebo
Lows: I hate the hoth deck!
Other-hayes own again as did klema, gemme lost
again.
Well i am pretty depressed right now, i am 2-3 but i
knowi will win my last game becausei get paired
against some newbie...Not much detail on this one, i
duel luke, he loses 18 force, i win the race...win by
33?
Highs: nada
Lows: i had to explain to him what an objective was.
Other...see what i mean about ct?
So i finish 3-3...not very good but i had fun. My rating
will suffer a 60 point hit. So the tourney is over,
hayes wins it going 6-0 plus 151(!!!). brentson is
second steebo 3rd. mass in 1st and 3rd
place...ohhhhhyeaaah.
So we wrap up the tourney and i sell a qui gonn to a
kid for $30 so i can now eat...me, hayes, steebo,
deck, oakes(male striper/td down in conn...maybe
you’ve heard of him?) and klema head off to
applebees. On the way me and gemme have a
discussion about ds jedi testing for women vs. ls
testing for women. The conversation is cool esp
since we are in separate cars...i tell him he is turning
to the darkside and he is like, noooooo!
We get in to apple bees and our host/greeter is mad
hot and gemme gets his moves in with her and i give
him props for that. We take our seats and talk
testing and somehow racing gets mixed
in...everyone is all about how gemme is dominating
me but honestly our waitress is balz and both me and
gemme just dont bother after a while because she is
just plain nasty. Everyone is like gemme’s testing is
so much better, and i am like, maybe you lose a few
games with ds testing but, every once and a while,
you get the full win by 46 and it is all worth
while. Everyone laughs, then thinks about it and is
like, "true". We talk some more about how gemme
should be spider man and not tobey mcguire and
how steebo is harry osborne...klema’s gotta be flash
tompson, and i am james dean even though he has
nothing to do with spiderman.
We also realize(or i realize how teched out my
phone number is. Here is why, i say some how,
somewhere, there is game of star wars going on
where a guy is drawing nine battle destinies in this
oreder, 617, 566, 4046. Everyone is like you are
homo and i am all proud of my phone number
because all the numbers are legal destiny numbers. I
make fun of gemme and hayes because they break
the rules with just their area codes(978...what the
phuck is that? you got two illegal numbers in just
the area code!!)
Well we eat our food and gemme flashes the
applebees but read his tr for more info on that...we
leave and try to flash some more but it doesn’t really
work.
We head back to mass....we try to mack these
blondes in a convertible but some harley type dudes
get to em first(my ds testing buddies no doubt). We
eventually pull up to em but they ain’t that great so
we say phuck it. Ride home was cool though. Major
props to gemme for driving.
I ended up sleeping at hayes house on sat night and
am the king of saying card titles to match the mood
that night, like eric is putting cream cheese on
a baggle and i am like, you may start your
landing...i dunno, it was good. Next morning i go to
the train station and go back to my house and sleep.
good weekend.
major props--
Mike gemme, you cool man, nice game we had, you
owned me this weekend. Good stuff driving too altho
i offered to help you out.
Props-
hayes-you cool man. i have your shirt now.
steebo-you damn good at this game now...time to
beat hayes.
oakes-you mad cool...run more trs, tell mullarky to
go back to the minors.
jess gemme and mckensie--they are about to be
converted to the ds :)
klema--thanks for your house although your cats
suck...teched out beard dude.
everyone else--i cant think of slops...weekend
rocked. peace out
Side not to Mike, hayes, steebo and klema. Before
august 8th, we have to egt together and do
something, even if it ain’t cards. Think of something
ill to do...latazz.
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